Wednesday, July 8, 2020

July 8 - daughter's birthday

Today is my daughter’s birthday. I remember it so well. Should have been a great day. But she was born with a birth defect and they took her to pediatrics instead of the nursery. Never had her in my hospital room. Or got to hold her. I was a kid having a kid. And terrified. Dr. Livingston, a surgeon, was assigned to her. Willie left the day after she was born for 2 weeks in the National Guard summer camp. I was all alone, except for my parents. I had no other support from friends or family. The defect healed on its own so there was no surgery. Lucky.

She was such a cute and sweet little girl with almost white blond hair. I look at those photos now and wonder what I did wrong.

She left her family —- all of us —- for 23 years. No communication whatever. There were a lot of reasons . Not sure of all of them but I am sure somehow I was at fault and caused much of it all.  I only had my mom to depend on. I miss and need her  now more than ever.


I was so excited when my daughter returned but I was too trusting and believing. And now she is starting another 23 years sabbatical. I won’t live long enough to see it end.

I hope her birthday is good for her. I am sure she deserves that.

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