A quiet day. I got up early to go vote. I really have no good feelings about this vote. Too many old men want to be in charge of all women's lives & bodies. And too many women who think it is great. We could be screwed. Trying to be positive. Very difficult.
I decided to take notes on having RA. For my own information. There was an article on itching. I have that almost all the time. No rash, just itching. And eczema on my palms.
There was an article on grief. Having RA does cause grief. So does any long term disease. And I know of no one who understands. Or cares. As a nurse I know the stages of grief & I am not done with them yet.
Another long article was on how to help someone with RA. I ask my brother but I hate to. I do not want to be a bother or a rock around someone's neck. I seem to either do it myself or it does not get done. And there is no one who just asks what they can do or what I need. Again, I do it myself.
My house is a mess. I did not used to be a mess but with a crappy marriage, etc. things happen. I am not perfect but not my house is a mess because when I hurt nothing gets done. And there are days I really do not give a f**k. Such is life.
Another couple of articles are on things to stop doing & things people should not say to someone who is not well. A week ago when we went out to eat a close friend asked why I did not feel good. I explained my hip & back hurt a lot. He laughed & made a joke. I was not joking. A simple hand on my shoulder & a kind comment would have helped. Probably will keep my mouth shut next time. Any time I feel bad there is no one who shows any empathy.
One article mentioned a close friend & what I could say to them or ask them to help with. Or what they could offer me. Well, I have no close friend anywhere near here. That made me cry. I miss having lady friends to be with, whether they would care or not. I think the loneliness is the absolute worst. And there again, no one cares. As if life is not difficult enough.
And one important article was on negative self talk. I am the Queen of negative self talk. After my childhood & then my adulthood it is ingrained in me. I rarely think anything good will happen as it almost never does. I am not jealous of anyone else but sometimes seeing all others have hurts. Like I never wanted good things & people & family. My therapist had it right. She said I feel like I have been punished my entire life for something I did wrong. No idea what. I used to pray (beg) for forgiveness but that did nothing. Prayer does not work. I am still being punished. Or feel like it.
The weather is beyond awful. There are clouds that look rather dark but no rain anywhere near. Chance of rain later but as usual we will miss out. When I went to vote I got home around noon. It was 100F then. At least the humidity is around 25%. The high got to 103.6F. Worse tomorrow. Glad to stay home.
Not seen Cinder all day. Hopefully she will turn up soon. I always worry.
Photos are some I like.
