08/2025 - Viernes the 29th - JOURNEY

 

Today's Name Day:  Hampus, Hans

Have a friend now in Sweden name Hans.  I have met him.  Cool.  Grew up with a guy named Hans Peter.

    My day started very good, but ended really bad.  I am not up to writing a blog tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  I am sort of ok but not up to par.

    Nice weather.  Slept ok.  All was well until lunch was over.  Disappointed I could not go to Jalisco's.  Next week.

    Have a great evening & tomorrow.  Photos are a mix.  One app made some collages from my photos & I have used those.

Growing in my pasture..

How Swensson Park looked years ago.  Miss the pond with gold fish.

Kansas Prairie.

White Cross hill is near my house to the east.  Many years ago immigrants created the cross our of rocks & white paint.  Taken care of to this day.

Iced green tea with raspberry syrup.

Nico living his best life with his baby & trash that he has spread around the floor.

07/2025 - Sábado the 26th - JOURNEY

 

We were married in Minneapolis KS.  Midafternoon.  Lived in an apartment in Salina.  Mom promised me a reception but there was never anything done for us.  Maybe had one shower of classmates.  Last time I saw them.  They all went to college or moved away.  Really not friends with any of my classmates.  Decided I won't help with my class reunions or attend.  They are all friends.  I am not part of them.

Today's Name Day:  Jasmine, Jesper

The only Jesper I know of is a Swedish golfer.  Have a cousin Jasmine.

    I had no sleep last night.  I tried.  And failed.  Had a couple of hours before lunch & a nap this afternoon.  Too much on my mind today.  Good memories.  Bad memories.

    Today would have been Willie's & my 59th wedding anniversary.  For the most part no one ever remembered it.  Mom always did.  Her two sisters in Denver always did.  And one Denver cousin always did.  But Mom & my aunts are long gone.  My cousin has forgotten this year.  She has a lot on her plate.  We were almost always harvesting wheat so we rarely celebrated.  No celebration or remembrance this year.  If I had not posted our photo no one would have remembered.  Should have taken me out to eat or something.

    I remember all our many, many trips to Vegas.  I remember Willie driving a semi hauling cattle or grain.  I went as often as I could.  Love riding with him.   We rarely took a real vacation but we went away for weekends sometimes.  Wichita or Kansas City.  Miss getting away.  It rarely happens now.  Never KC.  Wichita for doctor appointment.  Always alone.  No one to ride with me.  We did take a couple of Colorado trips that were vacations.  Not often.  Love Colorado.  No one to go with now.  A few years ago I did ask someone close to me to ride with but all I got was being ignored.  No answer.  Same as a NO.  Never asked again.  Never will.  MM would like to take me away but with 2 live in kids he has no time.

    The last few years of our marriage was not good.  Willie had dementia.  It was much worse than I realised & started much earlier than I was aware of.  People knew but no one talked to me.  And at same time he became an alcoholic.  I am sure there were times he came home but had no clue who I was.  He deserved much better.  So did I.  I dealt with all that alone.  Kids were there but already planning to take the farm away from me to keep just for them.  Not a good time.

    Hot today.  No more rain until next midweek.  Tomorrow is super hot.  🔥.  House is hot today.  Awful.

    Short message from JL & MM.  A photo was liked by CW.

    Been trying new microwave meals.  Get tired of the same ones all the time.  Chicken with pasta.  Chicken with mashed taters.  Beef with mashed taters.  There are others on my list.

    Photos are some flowers, some drawings.

Dreaming.......

07/2025 - Viernes the 18th - JOURNEY

 

Today's Name Day:  Fredrik, Fritz

Friends & family with 2 Freds now.  A Fritz or two in town.  

  

    Had a good day.  Slept better than I thought I would.  Health problems worried me so I gave up going to Swedish Friendship Group.

    Had lunch with LL at the White Peacock.  I tried a new food --- croisant, egg, bacon, cheese.  Really like it.  And my usual iced green tea with raspberry flavor.  I was surprised that I got a table & a parking place.  Town was really quiet.

    Worked at the SVAFC.  Someone was there working on computer stuff for the business.  She was quietly busy.  Very few guests.  People out walking by but no one coming in.

    Late in my shift the artists of this show came in & met with their relatives here from Denver.  Fun to meet them all.  Nice folks!  Artists liveon town.

    Then a bit later a young man came in who has just found Lindsborg.  Super nice.  He even sat to visit with just me.  He would be a fun friend.  Hope I see him again.  I could have told him about Lindsborg Now & more.  I can hope he comes back in.

    I brought supper to MM.  I was hoping he would want to eat out but he did not.  That is ok.  He offered to order me something but I just went home.  He had a stressful day.

    Someone posted something that really hit me hard where it really hurts.  I should have ignored but I could not.  I admitted that I have no more dreams of anything.  I basically have no one who will or can help.  Most of those close to me have other lives than my life to live.  At least one will not never offer to help me in anyway.  And of course I have no kids.  Their choice.  And I am scared to be anywhere alone with them..  Threats bad enough my therapist almost called the law.

    I have given up on any dreams I could have or do have.  Sort of FML.

    Weather was better than I thought.  Stayed cloudy and in the 80s.  But awful humidity.

    A fun friend came in just to visit a bit with me.  And he surprised me by offering some help.  I was surprised.  Think I will take him up on his help.  On his schedule.  I will even miss work to let him help.  What a surprise.  He is special.  I am lucky he likes me.

    A day filled with odd feelings --- both good & bad.  And new people.

    Photos are nothing special.