Wandering, 05 february 2022

    Today was ok.  Actually got my nap in.  Nico was calmer.  He started last night being restless but not for long.  Good.  I slept sort of ok.  Did not take anything.  I do have a new hemp gummy that is made from a different part of hemp.  Nationally legal.  It will help me sleep.  Better than manmade drugs.

    Our low last night was 18F and the high today was 49F.  If it would stay like this and none of those 60F in winter.  Most people I know spend all winter wanting summer.  Never.  I have worse depression in summer than in winter.  But no one cares.  I am probably friends with 2 people who like winter.  And a page that does.  I just ignore the summer people rather than be criticized.

    Not out long today.  Had a strong wind that was really chilly.  I was not dressed warm enough.  Cows were around the pond.  Should be easy to get a drink there now.

    I did not mention yesterday that it was the birthday of my favorite cousin from childhood.   we were the same age.  I added his photo today.  He and I went to school together and and played often.  Our fathers were in business together.  Never a good idea.  My dad wanted out and bought his way out.  Then the business failed as Dad knew it would before he ever left.  Well, aunt and uncle totally blamed Dad and they moved away.  With the cousin I loved.  I rarely saw him again.  As an adult he would come here every year on the first day of pheasant season.  We would have a nice visit before he went hunting.  When we were 26 years old, he died in a car wreck in a bad thunderstorm.  I have missed him ever since.  After his death our parents reconciled to a point.  But he was gone.  He had a wife and daughter.  We have no contact with them.  Makes me sad.

    When I went to town yesterday I saw a large hawk sitting in a tree.  Always cool.

    Watching the Olympics again.  I do not know anyone anymore.  My husband hated the Olympics and just acted miserable when I watched.  I gave up and just let him have control.  I could tape and watch later.  I miss the husband I had before he became an alcoholic with dementia.  Life was a challenge.  I not only feel alone now, I did then also.  No where to turn for someone to help or support both times.  Nice when I had a therapist but she is gone.

    Still snow in places outside.  I like that but it will melt this week.  Getting too warm again.  Not a chance for rain or snow.  They always get that right but not where or how much moisture there will be when it is in the weather.

    Photos are old ones of winter and some edited.  The first photo is my cousin as a child.  The one with a river and trees I did not take.  The train over the road was on a road trip to Oklahoma.  Cannot remember where.  Statue of a lady is in our local cemetery.  Someone always made sure there was a flower in her hand.  No idea who put it there.  When that stopped my cousin's wife and I decided to make sure there was always flowers on her.  I think we both check.