10/2025 - Viernes the 17th - MY JOURNEY

 

Willie's 84th birthday

Today's Name Day:  Antonia, Toini

I have known many with the name Tony or Toni, both here or in Sweden

    Challenging day for me.  I planned to work but woke up & started crying.  Today would have been Willie's 84th birthday.  Lots of memories.  Knowing his last years were awful being alcoholic & having dementia.  Did he even know who I was?  We never had the chance just to relax.  We missed out on having some good years.  So sad.

    Our nephew was born on Willie's birthday.  He was soooo thrilled. He beamed from ear to ear.  He always loved CN so much.  Great memories.

    I wrote to LL but got no answer.  She has far more important things going on than my life.  No big deal.  Hope she has a great weekend.

    MM has texted me several times.  And we texted when he got off work last night.  Said he had 3 drunken fights to deal with at work.  The life of a bartender.  I worry about him sometimes.

    Had a nice email from  JL..  She is busy with projects & better weather.

    Got no rain here overnight.  Maybe tonight?? The high is now 81F.  Light winds.  Cooler weather is on the way.  Hopefully the 80s are over for many months.  

    I did check out the Lindsborg website & they are streaming the festival.  I won't be watching.  Maybe the parade tomorrow. Maybe.  JR is in his height of glory, loving every minute.  Good for him.  As usual I am left out & watching others having fun.

    My mind worked overtime last night.  Photos of me as a baby/toddler being happy with happy parents & other family.  What did I do to end that happiness?  Even as a child.  Or someone else who stopped my happiness.  Cannot remember.  Those memories are blocked. I remember no happiness as a child except with the neighborhood kids & high school friends.  Then they all moved on without me.  I never dare to try to be part of groups of friends/family now.  I am far to used to rejection.  Want no more.

    Lunch has upset my stomach. And I barely ate anything.  Getting old.  Glad I am home.

    Photos today are a lot of Willie & memories.  And autumn ones.

   

                      

At our son's second wedding reception. What a mistake of a marriage!!!

My high school senior photo

Used to have joint celebrations but only for a couple of years,  Then not for Willie, just CN.